! JERKCITY HI-FI Ω VOCAL DIARRHEA EVERY TUESDAY & THURSDAY
! WE ADD SCREAMS OF PAIN (DRAMATIC READINGS) TO JERKCITY EPISODES. WE DO ~NOT~ MAKE YOU A MAN

        THIS OBNOXIOUS NOISE GENERATOR IS NOW INTEGRATED WITH JERKCITY.COM PROPER
        THE BOOKMARKLET/CHROME EXTENSION/USERSCRIPT NOW JUST "ENHANCES" THE EXPERIENCE:
                * PLAYS AUDIO ON-PAGE USING MAGICAL HTML5 & JAVASCRIPT & ANAL BEADS
                * LINKS TO PREVIOUS/NEXT DRAMATIC READING
                * DISPLAYS HI-FI BOX IF JERKCITY.COM IS OUT OF SYNC

! GAG ON OUR VIAGRA:
~ CHROME EXTENSION: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/jerkcity-hi-fi/djpgpiodjbfhejhfcgcbigjkfnjoahbn
~ USERSCRIPT: http://jerkcityhifi.com/jerkcityhifi.user.js
~ BOOKMARKLET: javascript:(function () {var s = document.createElement('script'); s.setAttribute('src','http://jerkcityhifi.com/slurping.js'); document.body.appendChild(s);}());

! USEFUL:
~ RSS: http://jerkcityhifi.com/slurping.rss
~ CONTACT: jerkcityhifi@gmail.com
~ CALL FOR A TOLL FREE READING & LEAVE A VOICEMAIL: URRJGHRKRK (877-544-7575, PRESS A BUTTON TO SKIP TO THE BEEP)
~ FAQ AT BOTTOM (BOTTOM)

! SOCIAL:
~ TWITTER: http://twitter.com/jerkcityhifi
~ TUMBLR: http://jerkcityhifi.tumblr.com/
~ SOUNDCLOUD (BONUS AUDIO): http://soundcloud.com/jerkcityhifi
~ YO: yo://JERKCITYHIFI "YO"


! AVAILABLE EPISODES (36):
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity2265.html / 2014-09-16 00:00 ~@FLIFFUMS (THE WORK OF ONE WHO CONSORTS WITH BEASTS STEER CLEAR)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity1096.html / 2014-09-11 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS (PULLED FROM SYNDICATION)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity311.html / 2014-09-09 00:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING (ACTUALLY IT ENDED UP BEING AN .OGG BUT WHO GIVES A WET SHIT IF SOUNDCLOUD IS JUST GOING TO PHASE OUT THEIR APP'S RECORDING FUNCTION ANYWAY)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity4510.html / 2014-09-04 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS, @TINYPEEPEE (IS THE DARKNET THE PART OF MY COMPUTER THAT'S SHADOWED BY MY LOW HANGING BALLS)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity745.html / 2014-09-02 00:00 ~@CLAYREN (DEATH IS CERTAIN)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity1034.html / 2014-08-28 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS (THE SHADOW KNOWS ALL THE UNDOCUMENTED TRUCK STOP GLORY HOLE VISITS LEFT OFF YOUR EXPENSE REPORT IN Q4 2013)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity5624.html / 2014-08-26 00:00 ~@TINYPEEPEE (DAMN SON WHERE'D YOU FIND THIS)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity2374.html / 2014-08-21 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS, @CLAYREN (OFFICIAL GRAMMAR SCHOOL CURRICULUM. NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ON UNCLE TED'S FULL THROTTLE VACATION)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity686.html / 2014-08-19 00:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING (HE COULD NOT)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity2824.html / 2014-08-14 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS (I DUMPS AM THIGHS SORRY BABY)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity1077.html / 2014-08-12 00:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING (THE END IS A CLUE SSSSH)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity3360.html / 2014-08-07 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS (TWO FIVE EIGHT SIX / REFERENCING ALL THE SUCKED DICKS)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity625.html / 2014-08-05 00:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING, @GRILLDOS (JUST TWO BROS CHILLIN ON A WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON HTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/WATCH?V=JGYWSL7-B9C)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity1815.html / 2014-07-31 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS, @TINYPEEPEE (I WILL HAVE TO EXPLAIN THESE TO MY CHILDREN SOME DAY)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity4112.html / 2014-07-29 00:00 ~@CLAYREN (HITLER IS ALIVE AND WELL IN MY HEART)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity4843.html / 2014-07-24 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS, @TINYPEEPEE, @HARDCLUMPING (MY DICK ERUPTS AND AFTER A TIME I AM BURDENED WITH CRYING MEAT)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity326.html / 2014-07-22 00:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING, @GRILLDOS (THIS MAN PAID FOR AN EDUCATION HA HA A CERTIFIED FOOL)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity4758.html / 2014-07-17 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS, @HARDCLUMPING (THIS PIECE FAILED FOR FOUR STRAIGHT YEARS IN UIL DRAMATIC DUO INTERP)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity4057.html / 2014-07-15 00:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING (WHILE (YOU == "LIBERAL ARTS DEGREE WASTE OF A EGG") { PRINT "YES"; })
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity5614.html / 2014-07-10 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS, @TINYPEEPEE (WEIRD AL DID A VERSION OF THIS JOKE ON THE UHF COMMENTARY TRACK)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity5334.html / 2014-07-08 00:00 ~@CLAYREN (I LOST THE E-MAIL FOR THIS BUT THEN I FOUND IT AGAIN WHAT A CLOSE ONE)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity5533.html / 2014-07-03 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS (NO CASTING CALL FOR BIRDS THIS TIME)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity924.html / 2014-07-01 00:00 ~@TINYPEEPEE (THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THIS I WAS SHITFACED AT MIDNIGHT AND IT WAS A PERFECT START TO FATHER'S DAY)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity5606.html / 2014-06-26 00:00 ~@GRILLDOS (APOLLO 13 ARCHIVAL AUDIO)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity3238.html / 2014-06-24 00:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING, @GRILLDOS (ACTUALLY SOBER)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity3022.html / 2014-06-19 06:30 ~@GRILLDOS (#YESALLWOMEN)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity5595.html / 2014-06-17 10:00 ~@WHYISDOG (THE NOISE AT THE END IS THE SOUND OF MY IMPENDING DEATH)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity5613.html / 2014-06-12 10:00 ~@GRILLDOS (DOES JSON COUNT)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity362.html / 2014-06-10 10:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING (THE CALM ACT DIRECTS THE COMMISSION TO ESTABLISH RULES THAT REQUIRE TV STATIONS, CABLE OPERATORS, SATELLITE TV PROVIDERS OR OTHER MULTICHANNEL VIDEO PROGRAM DISTRIBUTORS (MVPDS) TO APPLY THE ADVANCED TELEVISION SYSTEMS COMMITTEE'S (ATSC) A/85 RECOMMENDED PRACTICE ("ATSC A/85 RP") TO COMMERCIAL ADVERTISEMENTS THEY TRANSMIT TO VIEWERS.)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity3196.html / 2014-06-05 10:00 ~@GRILLDOS (CHECK YOU'RE LOCAL LISTINGS)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity679.html / 2014-06-03 10:00 ~@GRILLDOS, @HARDCLUMPING (NOTHING ISN'T REAL)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity5570.html / 2014-05-29 10:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING (YOU HAVE TO ENUNCIATE THE T'S)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity4391.html / 2014-05-27 10:00 ~@GRILLDOS (THE BIRD IS NOT A UNION ACTOR BUT HE DID SIGN MY RELEASE)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity5588.html / 2014-05-22 10:00 ~@HARDCLUMPING (SCREAMED AT HIPPIES ACROSS A POORLY MAINTAINED FIELD)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity3842.html / 2014-05-21 10:00 ~@GRILLDOS (IN MY MIND THEY DO HAVE TO BE YES)
         http://jerkcity.com/_jerkcity891.html / 2014-05-13 10:00 ~@GRILLDOS (WHET THE PALETTE, WET THE GULLET)

! BONUS AUDIO: http://soundcloud.com/jerkcityhifi "GAGGERS"


! BONUS AUDIO: http://soundcloud.com/jerkcityhifi "VOICEMAIL"



! GOOD ASS TWEETS: http://twitter.com/jerkcityhifi/favorites "FAVORITE TWEETS"




! FAQ: "CAN I SUBMIT SOMETHING???"
        AS LONG AS YOU DON'T SHIT THE BED (NO DRY CLEANER IN A FIFTEEN MILE RADIUS WILL TAKE OUR BUSINESS ANYMORE)
        SUBMIT PARTIAL OR FULLY PRODUCED AUDIO AT YOUR LEISURE. WE MIGHT PUT MAKE-UP ON IT, LAYER IT, CHOP IT UP, ETC. HOPE THAT'S COOL BABY

! FAQ: "WHAT CAN I SEND IN AND WHAT HAPPENS TO IT?"
        SEND US CRAP LIKE:
                FULLY/PARTIALLY PRODUCED EPISODES, VOCAL TRACKS FOR SPECIFIC EPISODES, MUSIC, SOUND EFFECTS, IDEAS, REQUESTS, WHATEVER
        WE LIKE COLLABORATION AKA THE CREATIVE GANG BANG. SO DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK QUESTIONS SUCH AS:
                "CAN YOU RECORD PANTS' LINE FOR ME?"
                "CAN YOU SEND ME A CLIP OF YOUR NEXT TURD HITTING THE WATER?"
                "CAN YOU JUST EDIT SOMETHING OUT OF THIS AUDIO FOR ME, MY PAROLE OFFICER IS HERE?"
        ALSO WE GOT A QUEUE BUILT UP SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY ASK US ABOUT A SPECIFIC EPISODE BEFORE YOU GO DOING YOUR MAGNUM OPUS

! FAQ: "BUT HOW THE HOT HELL DOES THIS WORK?"
        1) VISIT http://jerkcity.com/ , AMERICA'S MOST ESTEEMED EXCREMENT

        2) SUPPRESS GAG REFLEX (OPTIONAL)

        3) USE THE TWO BALLS IN YOUR HEAD TO FIND THE "HI-FI" BOX BELOW THE EPISODE TO PLAY (▶) A DRAMATIC READING

        4) IF THERE IS NO BOX THEN WE HAVEN'T RECORDED THAT EPISODE YET, SALLY. OR JERKCITY.COM IS OUT OF SYNC

        5) IF THAT MAKES YOU MAD AND YOU WANT AN "ENHANCED EXPERIENCE" (SEE TOP FOR DETAILS):

                5a) INSERT THIS CHROME EXTENSION INTO ANUS ONE TIME: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/jerkcity-hi-fi/djpgpiodjbfhejhfcgcbigjkfnjoahbn

                        OR:

                5b) USE A USERSCRIPT LIKE IT'S 2006: http://jerkcityhifi.com/jerkcityhifi.user.js

                        OR:

                5c) COPY AND PASTE THIS UGLY SET OF ASCII CHARACTERS IN YOUR BROWSER'S ADDRESS BAR HOLE MANUALLY ON EVERY DAMN PAGELOAD:

javascript:(function () {var s = document.createElement('script'); s.setAttribute('src','http://jerkcityhifi.com/slurping.js'); document.body.appendChild(s);}());

        6) WISTFULLY* PLEAD WITH THE COUNTY JUDGE TO DROP ALL CHARGES

! FAQ: "IS THAT TOLL-FREE PHONE NUMBER REAL?"
        SADLY YES, OUR ROBOTIC PHONE SYSTEM/ARDUINO HACKED REALDOLL IS AVAILABLE TO TAKE YOUR CALLS 24/7 AT URRJGHRKRK (877-544-7575, PRESS A BUTTON TO SKIP TO THE BEEP)
        TO LEAVE A VOICEMAIL: CALL THEN PRESS ANY NUMBER, OR JUST WAIT PATIENTLY UNTIL WE ARE DONE WASTING YOUR TIME WITH A DRAMATIC READING
        IT TAKES TEXT MESSAGES TOO
        WHAT A TERRIBLE THING FOR US TO SPEND OUR MONEY ON. JESUS






WE ARE NOT EMPLOYED BY JERKCITY.COM. THEY WROTE THE WORDS AND WE RUINED IT WITH NOISE.

WE ARE ✂ HTTP://CZR.ME






                        *"wistfully" (adjective): "with excessive, homoerotic bleeding and urination"